motherhood is like nudity

Macy Jule Summers 

let me explain...

As women go, I wouldn't describe myself as the most nurturing soul. If there is a baby in the room I am one of the last to notice, or care. Sure, I did my share of babysitting in high school - but I have to admit that my motives were primarily entrepreneurial. Unlike many women who have their children named long before they ever marry... I was lucky to have a name picked out for my first child by the time we made it to the hospital.

I just thought maybe my 'mother' gene was recessive or latent or malfuncioning somehow.

Then it happened. Well... she happebed; Macy Jule Summers that is.

Most women grow up dreaming of motherhood; picturing themselves with the curves eight months of pregnancy brings, pushing a stroller through the park, or rocking their baby to sleep. When I tried to imagine similar scenerios it just felt weird, unnatural and even silly. On top of this is the fact that I tend to lean toward the extreme end of the spectrum when it comes to and independent nature.

So it is no surprise that, as my due date (12/17/04) got closer and closer I prepared myself for the worst. I told myself I was a prime candidate for post-partum depression, assuming motherhood would be the hardest transition I had ever made. It is possible to look forward to something with every ounce of your being and brace yourself for that same event with equal fervoer. And this is what I did.

When I was single, trying to imagine myself naked with my future husband (whoever that would be). Not just in a sexual way, but in everyday ways too... changing clothes in the morning, taking a dump, drying off after a shower. And it felt weird, unnatural, and even silly. I couldn't imagine developing a comfort level with a man that would make moments like these natural.

But, then I fell in love with Jeremy, we got married and here we are... changing, dumping and drying off without a second thought. In fact we have been since our first day of marriage. I found out that within the context of the unconditional love God has allowed us to have for one another, moments that once could only seem silly became comfortable.

I've also found that within the context of the unconditional love God has allowed me to have for little Macy, motherhood has been the most natural thing in the world.

I loved her instantly, and the gravity of this love hit me profoundly in the hospital 24 hours after she was born. The nurse took Macy out of our room down to the nursery because she had been choking a bit. And sitting in that nursery, waiting for the nurse to tell me Macy was healthy, tears started to flow uncontrollably. I realized how desperate I was to protect, nurture, love and give sacrificially to the red, wrinkly, scrawny, kicking, screaming, bundle of possibilities a few feet away.

So, I found out that Motherhood is like nudity; in the context of God's unconditional love which he allows us to have for another... what might otherwise seem weird, silly, or uncomfortable - can become one of the most natural, beautiful and profound things in existence.